by LILLI WARD
This social experiment seems like something I want to do or at least something I should want to do.
I should want to wade knee deep in muddy puddles, watching dozens of udders face a silky tunic of soil.
In my pocket:
Ten thousand emerald eggs, I want to try to wait for them to grow.
First, I’ll fill my socks with gravel from the path,
Then place another pair of socks over the first,
I’ll put on my sneakers and tie them tight.
Learn to walk on tiny stones
After three weeks, I’ll replace the first left sock and put in three large stones,
And in the right sock, a handful of soil and seeds of my choice.
Learn to walk with almost no pressure on the left foot.
After a month; I’ll introduce both feet over lunch,
Watch the left foot grow to hate the right, watch it become jealous, watch it hatch ten thousand eggs of emerald hatred and put those eggs in your pocket.
Wash both feet and hands and the three pairs of socks,
Sell the sneakers and laces on a reputable clothing resale website,
Plant the sweaty seeds,
And throw the three stones into a river or small body of water nearby.
Repeat this process biannually, results to be peer reviewed.