by JONATHAN CANT
Welcome to Polyethylenesia, says the glossy travel brochure.
The “new Hawaii” awaits you less than a three-hour flight
From San Francisco or L.A.—far easier to get to
Than Micro-plastic-nesia in the Northwest Pacific.
Polyethylenesia is a manmade paradise, a tropical getaway
Twice the size of Texas and growing in popularity every day.
An archipelago of quiet islands with all the mod cons and
Comforts of home, right here at your disposal. Be greeted
On your arrival with our signature Polytoxic cocktail;
Receive a lovely lei of local artificial frangipani flowers.
Enjoy the famous floating Tiki bar with your choice
Of a million brightly-coloured, single-use straws. Oh,
And the seafood’s to die for! Try your hand at ghost netting.
Baby dolphins, rare turtles, marine birds are caught with ease
Right at the resort. Anywhere, in fact. Forgot your toothbrush?
No problem. We have tons of them. Just pick a colour.
Need a light? You can find our branded disposable lighters
(Literally) everywhere. And bottled water is complimentary.
Waste away your days lolling on our giant trash rafts
Or just drift aimlessly on the ocean currents forever.
Be immersed in a world of decadence. Leave your city life
Behind for a memory that’ll last at least a half a millennium.